“Eating Rattlesnake” by russ mckay
Posted on November 22, 2024
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We went to Texas to see my Uncle Jake
And one night for dinner we all ate rattlesnake
They said “Don’t worry it tastes like chicken”
It was OK but it wasn’t fingerlickin’
But I think that eating it was a BIG mistake
‘Cause now each time that I eat chicken
It tastes like rattlesnake
“A Diet” by russ mckay
Posted on November 9, 2024
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I should go on a diet
To lose weight I am told
I’m certainly willing to try it
But on it I’m not really sold
It seems the WORLD’S on a diet
And I don’t want to be mean
But I’m not yet ready to buy it
When’s the last time you saw someone lean?
They show skinny models on TV
You can see why they were selected
Then they say “You’ll soon look just like me!”
But the small type says not to expect it
Yes Dieting’s a lucrative business
And that’s all there is to that
Boy I’d like to be in a business
Where ALL the owners are getting FAT!
“Swimming In The Sea” by silly grandpa
Posted on November 2, 2024
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I’m not the biggest fan of swimming in the ocean
It’s mostly cold and salty and removes your tanning lotion
I’ll just sit here upon the shore and watch the others swim
It’s fun to see the little ones for the first time going in
Out there’s a place where sharks and fast rip tides abound
The shore is much the safer place… they can’t reach you on high ground
The sand is soft between my toes…my book begs to be read
My new sunglasses should stay dry and so should my bald head
Yes I much prefer to spectate atop granulated turf
But I understand the fun and charm of swimming in the surf
When you think of all the things that you and yours can do in it
Just remember all those fish out there…go number one and two in it!
“Words That Do Not Rhyme” by russ mckay
Posted on October 25, 2024
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If you are a poet then the lines must rhyme
And make sure you do it each and every time
Unless of course you write free verse
But I can think of nothing worse
The trouble is…my most favorite color
“Orange” doesn’t rhyme with any other
Then there is “Month” that has no rhyme
I’ve tried to rhyme it many a time
So nothing really rhymes with orange
OH…OH…I put it at the end….oh…DARNGE!!!
“The Cheerleader Who Couldn’t Spell” by russ mckay
Posted on October 18, 2024
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At Central High they had a cheerleading team
Being on it was each girl student’s dream
Hannah could do almost all the cheers well
But there WAS a problem…she just couldn’t spell
At Friday’s game she would lead many cheers
Her arms shaping letters with all of her peers
But when it came time to spell out the school
Her crowd responses were much less than cool
After she finished trying to spell “Central”
The fans would all yell “Yeah for Xquenraal”
The coach gave her printed letters to hold up instead
But when she did…here’s what they read
“Tencral…Tencral…fight fight fight!”
She misspelled the school name all of the night
The coach then made a decision that he thought was a cure
Even Hannah’s poor spelling would be helped for sure
Hannah would hold ONE sign at the end of the line
And since it was the apostrophe all would be fine
But poor Hannah still had a problem…as everyone found
‘Cause she mistakenly held the apostrophe…upside down
“Me And You” by russ mckay
Posted on October 12, 2024
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If sky’s were green
And grass was blue
And you were me
And I were you
Here are some things I would do
I’d give all my candy just to you
.And give you my snacks and my toys too
So tell me now and let me see
What you would do if you were me
I’m a bit surprised what you said you’d do
So I’ll stay me and you stay you
“Humility” by russ mckay
Posted on October 3, 2024
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Being ” humble” should be our goal
From childhood up that’s what we’re told
But it gets tougher as you grow old
Your past triumphs are just like gold
You want to tell all you’ve done
And all the prizes that you’ve won
And you think that it is really fun
To boast about a life well run
But it gets tough to find a listener
An attention paying true parishioner
Most have heard your tales before
When you arrive…they’re out the door
Yes it’s far better to be humble
Not being so’s a social stumble
I tell you this from experience
I’d start to talk, they’d start to wince
But I kept going just the same
They didn’t think I knew their game
I was never burdened with humility
What I seek in others is not in me
Although my recent audience
Now numbers less than few
It seems that I’ve just one reader left
Please forgive me…but it’s you!
“Cat Up A Tree” by silly grandpa
Posted on September 20, 2024
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I spied a cat up in a tree
It was looking down at me
But when I smiled it turned away
And I didn’t know quite what to say
How’d you get there? I wanted to ask
It must have been quite a task!
I stood looking up from the ground
Wondering how the cat would get down
I didn’t know then, but it wondered too
And obviously did not know what to do
After both of us stared for quite a while
The cat finally began to smile
“Are you the Cheshire cat?” Was my query
But the feline was becoming weary
“I’ll climb up and help you down!”
But then the cat began to frown.
I took no mind and started up
And just as I got up to the top
The feline jumped upon my back
Then ran down to the ground
…and that’s a fact
I rested on the skinny top limb
By the way the treed cat was a him
Now I was the one who began to frown
Because I had no way to get myself down
I was feeling really really dumb
When the local firemen had to come
And help me get down from that tree
Then the cat began to laugh at me
But that was not the story’s end
The once treed cat became my friend
We joked about the tree and me
Stuck on the top of that tall tree
It’s a wonderful thing when a friend is found
But from now on we’re both staying on the ground
“Granddaughter’s Tea Party” by sillygrandpa.com
Posted on September 19, 2024
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Yesterday about the hour of three
I was invited to have high tea
My Granddaughter had invited me
And I was happy to be you see
When I arrived I just said “Gee!”
Smaller teacups…there just couldn’t be
She instructed me…”Please take a seat!”
“Where DO I put my feet?”
“Oh just stick them out there anywhere
It doesn’t matter I really don’t care”
So I removed my baseball hat
And with great difficulty down I sat
My Granddaughter poured me out some air
Which only caused me to start to stare
She lifted up her cup to sip
And I put mine up to my lip
“No wait! Would you like lemon or cream?”
“Ah…yes I’ll have both if it’s all the same”
She poured me out cream air “Say when!”
“Ah…that’s just perfect once again”
“Shall it be one lump or two?”
“As many lumps as pleasures you”
Her wrist she delicately did bend
Serving me two lumps of sweet pretend
“And if you will now my dear sir
It is time for us to stir”
So I began to stir my air
With a great amount of care
“Now try some…tell me how it tastes”
I tried as a guest not to do so with haste
With my pinky finger stuck straight out
I put the cup up to my mouth
But drink the tea I just could not
The tea was much too…much too hot!
I waited…but when I took a sip
I scalded my poor upper lip
My Granddaughter laughed and giggled with glee
“Thank you for coming to tea with me!”
“The Snake and the Mongoose” by sillygrandpa.com
Posted on September 11, 2024
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A snake and a mongoose strolled down the beach
An Odd Couple since hate was the feeling of each
“As a snake I could swallow before you could yell”
“But I’d bite your head off before you could tell”
The meaness got them nowhere they both knew
And it was so bad they wished they were through
They both had to be true to what they were born
But were getting tired of treating each other with scorn
“What things do you like?” said the Mongoose to the snake
“Well I must admit that I do love cheesecake”
“I’d like to suggest something to do”
“Find a Cheesecake Factory and we’ll order two.”
They did find one and loved eating the food
And both decideded it’s good to be good
“Let’s try to be friends for the rest of the night”
But when the bill came they had a big fight
So they decided that they both must stay
Whatever they are, and whoever they were
And the snake would keep… all of his skin
And the Mongoose would keep… all of his fur
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