Summer Santa by russ mckay
Posted on November 25, 2023
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I can finally tell you some Santa stuff
I’m sure you didn’t know
Like what does Santa do all year?
And where does Santa go?
‘Cause now that I’m a grown up
Many things I have found out
That I didn’t know when I was small
And… I had some doubt
You know there is a South Pole
Well Santa knows it too
In fact that’s where his condo is
With a pool and terrific view
He spends the summers on the beach
Sipping cooling drinks
And he gets a real nice suntan
At least that’s what Santa thinks
Sometimes he overdoes it
He burns his nose and cheeks
And if you look closely you’ll see it
All red and shades of pinks
And Rudolph brings the sunscreen
To put on Santa’s nose
‘Cause that reindeer got sunburned too
And that’s how Rudolph knows
He really only works one day
Of every single year
And I bet you know what day it is
When he brings you Christmas cheer
There also is a golf course
And Santa’s plays a lot
He has elves for caddies
And plenty elves he’s got
And Santa loves the swimming
In the South Pole sea
He’s up early every morning
And takes a nap ’round three
Now that one day in every year
That Santa does his thing
He ‘s working very hard all night
Millions of gifts delivering
So we don’t mind that he’s part time
But he sure gets lots of rest
But all the children tell him
“Santa you’re the best!”
Young Santa
Posted on November 15, 2023
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This story’s about young Kris Kringle
Back in the days when he was single
In fact when he was just a boy
He’d never received a Christmas toy
He thought “What if one could give a toy
To each and every girl and boy
A special way to celebrate
The birth of Christ born on this date”
His Mom and Dad had no clue
How to do what he wanted to
“It’s a nice idea that you had son
But there’s just no way to get it done!”
And as year after year went on by
Little Kris would try and try
To find a way to make his dream
More than just a Christmas scheme
Then when he turned twenty one
A spectacular phenomenon
He acquired some land at the North Pole
The first step taken to achieve his goal
When he arrived he met an elve
Who introduced him to another twelve
When he told them of his Christmas plan
All the elves shouted “Yes we can!”
The very next day outside his gate
He spotted reindeer numbering eight
Then one elf watched outside with Kris
“Listen while I tell you this…
“They’re the only reindeer that can actually fly !”
Back in the barn Kris had a sleigh
And he shouted out ” Now there’s a way!”
“Hitch those reindeer to my sled!”
The elf called the others and off quickly they sped
The reindeer were happy to help Kris’ cause
And they named Kris Kringle “Santa Claus”
The elves had been busy making toys
For all the world’s good little girls and boys
The reindeer practiced in wind and in snow
Testing the sleigh to see how far they could go
But one test flight they flew a bit low
The newspapers reported “A UFO!”
The first North Pole Christmas was drawing near
And Santa was ready…presents, sleigh and reindeer
Then on the night of Christmas eve
Santa was excited and ready to leave
The reindeer pulled, running fast as they could
The sleigh was quite heavy but the liftoff was good
They had to travel thousands of miles
But they knew they would deliver thousands of smiles
Some roofs were slippery and some chimneys tight
But Santa and his reindeer worked through the night
They got back to the North Pole just as dawn broke
A very tired Santa popped open a Coke
And that’s how it started that very first year
And became the legend that we all hold most dear
Turtle In A Tree
Posted on November 12, 2023
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Did you ever see
A turtle in a tree?
Not me!
Because you see…
I don’t think there COULD be
A turtle in a tree
Because we know very well
A turtle in a shell
Wouldn’t WANT to be
Up any tree
Turtles can be found
On the ground
And if you are around
They are bound
To hide
Inside
Their shell
That fits so well
As far as I can tell
So if you see
A turtle up a tree
Please do something for me
Get it down
On to the ground
Thanksgiving Wishes
Posted on November 4, 2023
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I extend to the cook my Thanksgiving wishes
Then disappear while she does the dishes
I tiptoe quietly in silent footfall
To my den to watch some football
. A cozy chair big screen TV
As thankful as I’ll ever be
Each year to see if just ONCE I can
Overcome heavy doses of Tryptophan
Witches Brew by russ mckay
Posted on October 27, 2023
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There was an ugly old witch of a thing
That simply loved her soup cooking
Her concoctions were feared
‘Cause they really were weird
And the stench to your eyes, tears would bring
Well one day she cooked up a brew
That she called “spell casting stew”
It had an eye of a newt
And an old union suit
She put spiders legs in there too
She threw in a roadkill skunk
I tell you that soup really stunk!
There were two pigeon claws
And three cat’s hair balls
It was a thick creamy gunk!
Well she stirred and it boiled without halt
If it wasn’t nasty it wasn’t her fault
She made a cauldron of goop
But when I tasted the soup
I thought that it needed more salt!
I Love Ewe by russ mckay
Posted on October 23, 2023
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The old Ram was eating his lunch
Munching grass blades by the bunch
But then his farmyard wife came by
The ram stopped eating to just say “Hi”
She had been shorn that morn of her wonderful wool
And she felt not as pretty and a bit of a fool
But the Ram hubby knew just what to do
And said ” You look beautiful and I love EWE.”
My New Backpack by russ mckay
Posted on October 17, 2023
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My parents bought me a new backpack for school
It’s pink and lilac and looks really cool
The first morning it was loaded with lunch, school supplies and stuff
And anything I’d need to be sure I had enough
I was ready to go as I stood at our door
My backpack so full it wouldn’t hold any more
Mommy put it on me and fastened the last strap
And when she stepped away I fell flat on my back
My brother came over to help me up on my feet
And as I turned around I knocked him right on his seat
Mommy helped me unload about half of the stuff
So that carrying the thing wouldn’t be quite so tough
I learned you’ve really got to be strong when you’re starting school
And I think it might help if you owned your own mule
Sirens
Posted on October 11, 2023
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Sirens fascinate me
When I hear them getting louder
If I could drive an ambulance
I could not be any prouder
“Woop, woop, woop”
And “Dee Daw, Dee Daw”
I would make the siren blast
I’d rush through downtown traffic
I’d drive carefully, but fast
Yes I would like to drive an ambulance
A job where time’s well spent
I’d love to be the driver
But not the occupant!
“Stinky Feet” by russ mckay
Posted on October 5, 2023
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I know it’s not neat
To have stinky feet
But pretty often I do
Inside my sneakers
The airflow is weaker
And my socks start smelling like poo
Yes after each shower
I smell like a flower
I’m clean from head to toe
But it doesn’t take long
My aroma goes wrong
And that clean smell I had gets “so so”
The bad smell I get
Comes from the sweat
They say it’s a phase I’ll outgrow
I take my socks off each day
Even dogs run away
As fast as their four legs can go
I have learned a lot
From this problem I’ve got
It has something to do with where
And why your nose
Is so far from your toes
It’s so you can breathe in clean air
“I’m NOT Happy About Being A Roach.” by russ mckay
Posted on September 23, 2023
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I’m not glad that I’m a roach
Folks hate me as I approach
I’m always running for my life
Living every minute under strife
No vacations… no real home
Never the subject of a poem
What? You mean that’s no longer true?
I’m so happly …don’t know what to do!
Maybe life isn’t as bad as I might think
That vacation could be right under that sink
Ah, rest from fear and running away
And there’s a Roach Motel where I can stay
