TURTLE IN A TREE by Russ McKay
Posted on March 11, 2016
Filed Under Tweens | Leave a Comment
Did you ever see
A turtle in a tree?
Not me!
Because you see…
I don’t think there COULD be
A turtle in a tree
Because we know very well
A turtle in a shell
Wouldn’t WANT to be
Up any tree
Turtles can be found
On the ground
And if you are around
They are bound
To hide
Inside
Their shell
That fits so well
As far as I can tell
So if you see
A turtle up a tree
Please do something for me
Get it down
On to the ground
The Hummingbird And The Canary by Russ McKay
Posted on March 6, 2016
Filed Under Tweens | Leave a Comment
A hummingbird was humming around
Making his smooth humming sound
While the canary was singing
Dulcet tones his throat bringing
Neither aware that the other’s around
Then the hummingbird sat on a limb
And the canary looked over at him
“Pardon me Chum
Aren’t you the guy that can hum?”
“Yes and you’re the bird that sings on a whim!”
The canary felt somewhat dumb
Admitting that he wished he could hum
“Well I have no choice
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I’ve no singing voice…
Oh I wish that I could sing some!”
“I’ll teach you to hum if you teach me to sing”
“Yes think of the joy we could both bring!”
So they each gave some lessons
But ended confessin’
That neither had learned anything!
“I guess I must do and I guess you must too…
Be happy for the talent we’ve got”
“So I’ll sing in the Spring”…
“And I’ll hum everything”…
“Can we be someone else? I guess not!”
BURP THE SWINE by Russ McKay
Posted on February 23, 2016
Filed Under Tweens | Leave a Comment
Hi! I’m Burp and yes I’m a swine
And the pleasure of meeting you is just divine
And just because I’m a swine and big
Doesn’t mean that you need to call me a “PIG”
I’ve heard people say “Those PIGS just stink”
But under all that mud we’re mostly pink
Our table manners are slight cause we don’t use a fork
And, around us, please never ever say the word “PORK”
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And our farmer gets happy as we gain every pound
I agree that we’re overweight and possibly fat
It seems we’re always eating and I’ll admit that
I see you like snacking when you’re reading a rhyme
And I bet you do it nearly all of the time
But to think we’ll eat anything is a big mistake
By the way are you planning to eat all of that cake?
THE HIDING REMOTE by Russ McKay
Posted on February 11, 2016
Filed Under Tweens | Leave a Comment
He’ll never ever find me here
I’m cramed way down into the rear
With sofa pillows all over me
He’ll look and look and never see
Even his hand can’t reach this deep
Staying hidden I can keep…
From getting poked and squeezed and thrown
Those hard landings make me moan
I’d like staying here eternally
I’m peaceful and quiet… just let me be
It’s been a while now and I don’t feel lonely
I’m as happy as ever but there’s one need only
I changed my mind ’cause I realize he’s
Got to replace …my…BATT…Er…ies…..
THE SILLY ANIMAL ZOO by Russ McKay
Posted on February 5, 2016
Filed Under Tweens | Leave a Comment
I promised not to say exactly where
But a Silly Zoo is really there
You couldn’t find it if you tried
But I’m happy to give you all a guide
Right at the door of that magical place
You’ll see a turtle with a monkey face
The next critter over is very small
A purple striped mouse whose name is Paul
You’ll hear it before you see it next
An elephant bird that’s very perplexed
Then there’s one fellow too big to hide
An anteater with a snout that’s two miles wide
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There are no lions or tigers at this zoo
‘Cause normal animals just won’t do
The closest thing to something you’ve seen
A huge rhinoceros that’s a very bright green
There is one way you might get in
A zookeeper by the name of Ken…
He’s no longer there so his job is open
And if you apply you must excel at ropin’
Ken used to say that the animals hate him
And he was right because they ate him
The Cheerleader That Couldn’t Spell by Russ McKay
Posted on February 3, 2016
Filed Under Tweens | Leave a Comment
At Central High they had a cheer leading team
Being on it was each girl student’s dream
Hannah could do almost all the cheers well
But there WAS a problem…she just couldn’t spell
At Friday’s game she would lead many cheers
Her arms shaping letters with all of her peers
But when it came time to spell out the school
Her crowd responses were much less than cool
After she finished trying to spell “Central”
The fans would all yell “Yeah for Xquenraal”
The coach gave her printed letters to hold up instead
But when she did…here’s what they read
“Tencral…Tencral…fight fight fight!”
She misspelled the school name all of the night
The coach then made a decision that he thought was a cure
Even Hannah’s poor spelling would be helped for sure
Hannah would hold ONE sign at the end of the line
And since it was the apostrophe all would be fine
But poor Hannah still had a problem…as everyone found
‘Cause she mistakenly held the apostrophe…upside down
A DIET by Russ McKay
Posted on January 31, 2016
Filed Under Grandpa | Leave a Comment
I should go on a diet
To lose weight I am told
I’m certainly willing to try it
But on it I’m not really sold
It seems the WORLD’S on a diet
And I don’t want to be mean
But I’m not yet ready to buy it
When’s the last time you saw someone lean?
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But the small type says not to expect it
Yes Dieting’s a lucrative business
And that’s all there is to that
Boy I’d like to be in a business
Where ALL the owners are getting FAT!
CURDLE THE COW by Russ McKay aka sillygrandpa.com
Posted on January 22, 2016
Filed Under Tweens | Leave a Comment
‘Though she ate fresh grass and an occasional flower
When Curdle gave milk it was always sour
It must be said that she wasn’t all smiles
But was the grumpiest cow for seventeen miles
Farmer Jones tried hard to cheer her up
By letting her play with a newborn pup
But Curdle just grunted with a mournful moo
And Farmer Jones knew NOT what to do
The vet came with roses to sweeten her cud
But she preferred the rose thorns to the rose bud
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Poor Farmer Jones just didn’t know HOW…
And with WHAT he could possibly treat her
That would be sure to make her milk sweeter
Then a surprising event did occur at the Fair
Our Farmer Jones and his cows were all there
And ‘though Curdle still mooed her mournful moo
She won “Best Buttermilk” and “Best Sour Cream” too.
TAILLESS CATS by Russ McKay
Posted on January 12, 2016
Filed Under Tweens | Leave a Comment
Did you know there is a breed
Of cats that have no tails?
It took a lot of research
Seeing why this trait prevails
It happened many years ago
On porches by the sea
Upon an Island known as Man
It was said to be
The people there were restful
Loved to watch the scenery
But the people were out numbered
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Friendly felines seemed to be…
Always near the old folks
Taking in the view
The cats would laze along porch floors
As cats are prone to do
But it started causing problems
There was screeching everywhere
So the felines cut their tails off
To avoid those rocking chairs!
FRUITCAKE by Russ McKay
Posted on December 14, 2015
Filed Under Holiday, Tweens | Leave a Comment
I ate my first bite of fruitcake today
And that first bite caused me to say…
“I like fruit and I like cake
But whoever named it
Made a big mistake!”
It was ugly brown and there was no doubt
The stuff inside it was tryin’ to get out
I don’t blame it I would too
Little red and green things covered with goo
Grandpa took a bite and broke a tooth
“That cake there’s, meant for the youth”
Grandma had baked it so he had tried
“It’s the last tooth I had!” and then he cried
Then Grandma offered me a piece
“Granny, why not share some with your niece?”
“Oh what a generous boy are you!”
“I wiped my brow and just said “Whew!”
But then, as I turned around
There was Grandma with about a pound
Of her fruitcake sliced onto a plate
“Oh thank you Granny, it sure is great!”
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My dog Sam just ran away
As I brought the cake plate his way
He saw the cake and he saw me
That dog has a real good memory
“Sam” was here last Christmas too
He’d tried to bury it, thought it was poo
Grandma watched me with her smile
And I stood there for the longest while
“Go ahead and eat your cake
It took me many hours to make”
I smiled back and looked around
But there was no one to be found
Then Dad’s head popped in the door
“I love that cake is there any more?”
“Oh Dad…there’s just this one last bit
If you want, I’ll gladly give you it!”
“Thank you son you are so kind”
“I hope Grandma doesn’t mind!”
“Oh no he’s such a generous lad…
It’s the best Christmas I’ve ever had!”
